So we can begin with the requisite, I have been meaning to write for quite a bit now…
Let’s just say that when I have the new page up and running, you may be in post-overload, so just enjoy the intermittent jibber jabber for now. Mostly it will be be outpourings/outbursts of thoughts and emotions about life. Food of course will be heavily involved in that, because well, it is my blog. Welcome to my life…
So yesterday was Christmas. The day before that Christmas Eve and in 5 days it will be New Year’s Eve and the day after that New Year’s Day. Today is Kwanza (I also officially got my food handler’s certificate woohoo)and a few weeks ago was Chanukah which is what you might say my family traditionally celebrates as I was raised in a reform Jewish household, and yet I got a small Christmas stocking every year. I made a tiny one in pre-school and for as many years as I can remember it was placed on the fireplace-stuffed with lotto scratch off cards and my favorite candy of the time, usually a pack of gum or some random things my Dad found in the kitchen cabinet. As we were often away as a family for Christmas break, my parents made certain to always travel with said stocking and when it got lost in these travels at some point, it was replaced with a sock. It didn’t matter what was in the stocking or sock, the point is that it became a tradition for me.
The Jew with a stocking. My sister never really had one, it was kind of special to me. No wonder she has always wanted a Christmas tree… In recent years my immediate family and I have spent some Christmas days apart, rarely me from my parents but usually not the four of us together as my sister is usually traveling, but it has happened and no matter what, there is always a stocking/sock at some point. Yesterday I did spend the day with my parents. They picked me up in the BK and we went to the Striffler’s house in CT. Long-time and very special family friends. It was a really nice evening, I brought some LOLA wine, we put bells around our neck, there was a ham and it was so Christmassy in the best way. However, there was no stocking/sock. As we were driving back to the BK my parents apologized for forgetting it and went to take some money out of their wallet. It was sad. My heart sank a bit and not because I was looking forward to getting whatever was in the stocking, but because it is a tradition and something that resonates with me and the memories of my childhood and of many wonderful holiday seasons and I knew it wasn’t happening this year.
We already had our family Chanukah party as the holiday fell freakishly early in the secular calendar. I picked up latkahs, chopped liver and jelly doughnuts at the Brooklyn Larder and my sister brought in food from The Smile to Go which is one of our favorite spots. It was a gathering of what I call my family plus a very dear friend of mine who somehow put up with all the craziness with grace and perhaps a some astonishment mixed in there. Let’s just say my 3 year old cousin Gabby needed a wheeled luggage rack to escort her presents to the car. It was a lovely evening but it was different from all the years past. I come from a card family. You name the “occasion” and you get a card and on special occasions you get two and sometimes three. One funny and one serious one, always. That is just how we roll. My mom is the Queen of this and if anyone is actually reading this, and you know me, well I tend to give cards and also write very very very long ones. Just like my blog posts and well, most things I write. This year I made certain to get everyone a card as well as a chocolate bar specially selected for them. It was important to me to written a note to everyone there because sometimes the only way I know how to express my feelings is through writing and I had something specific I wanted to write to everyone in that room. I have come to realize how important cards and notes always have been in my life. My Mom used to put a note in my lunch every single day. When I went to college she would send me articles that made her think of me with little notes and I still get them. All filled with endless love and support. Telling me always to be happy and smiling and supporting me in who I am as a person…. I used to laugh at her sometimes, and blow off her thoughtfulness, but in recent months, as these traditions have lessened, it makes me that much more mindful of keeping them alive. My mom hasn’t been well the past six months and life has been challenging in ways I never had to deal with before. It has shaken me to the core and I think I’m only first starting to get my footing. I’ve acted in ways I’m not necessarily proud of. I was scared and anxious and didn’t know how to cope with the discomfort of having my beautiful wonderful life and support system broken and unwell. I could write for hours on this but that is not the point of this post. The point of this post is the importance of tradition. Establishing traditions, embracing them and keeping them alive and not just at the holidays.
The impetus for this post was a text message that I received today from a friend who I adore, respect and just love as a person in life. I was rushing en route to my food handler’s exam. Running a few minutes late of course, having stopped in The Chocolate Room to pick up some Fine&Raw bars as I was out of stock and they have a good price. Anyway, it was a message in response to one I had written on Christmas Eve and now that I am looking back at it, I feel I may have misread what my friend said as I read it and rapidly responded when I was rushing around, and it being a text message, well we know those can get confusing. But misread or misinterpreted, and now perhaps leaving me feeling like an idiot, it highlighted so poignantly the importance of holiday tradition to my friend’s family. And it got me thinking and it led me here. As you have read above, my holiday traditions, or rather ones that have been traditions in the past, were a little lacking this year. No stocking from my parents and no cards to everyone from my Mom. The larger gatherings still go on, we are still together, but the dynamic has shifted and with that the traditions I suppose shift as well. I’m proud to take on the card giving one. In a way I suppose it honors my Mom and her spirit which has been significantly dampened. In reality not getting a stocking or a Chanukah card, are not a big deal. What has been the bigger deal is a shift in feel around the holiday traditions this year. Heck all holidays. I hosted Rosh Hashanah in my apt this year as my Mom wasn’t fully up for it and it was an incredible experience. I think it had to be one of the best days of my entire year thus far and I plan on making it a tradition. What hit me hard today is that for me and my life, I don’t want tradition to be something that comes out just at the holidays. I have come to realize there are so many daily ones in my family and that is such a wonderful and special thing. My parents truly made an effort to make every day and especially every occasion, special in some way. I am so grateful for that and for having such a loving family who taught me how to be able to express love-well at least in my own way-which is basically overwhelming for most people. I have recently come to embrace it. Just how I am. Believe me it is not an easy thing or one I am trying to be boastful of. I just live with an open heart and not just for people but for things and for food and for life. I want to live my life with love and establish traditions that embrace the idea of it. Togetherness, joy, laughter, sillyness, depth, deliciousness. All of it. I read that the root of the word “tradition” comes from the idea of transmitting or giving. There are so many ways to interpret the idea but the way I see it is that a tradition can be any way of transmitting this idea of love-not of being in-love but of genuine care and compassion for others and self. Establishing traditions with others (and yourself) is a beautiful thing, whatever they may be, as it means there is connection created and I’m all about making them. My current business cards read “making connections.” I’m in the process of making new cards and my very talented friend Dominic is helping me and he asked me the other week what I wanted my “title” to be and I told him I just wanted to keep what it says. Just seems to make the most sense in my world. What the heck am I going to be a president of? Rather be putting the emphasis on others and bringing them together to create, to make life better and to establish their own traditions.
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